Divorced or Divorcing – How to have Happy Jolly Holidays!!

At Peace Talks, we know that the divorce process is stressful and creates emotional turmoil. And we also know that experiencing the winter holidays for the first time as divorced or divorcing can spike emotions to a whole other level. Especially if you have children, how can you keep the holiday spirit alive in the midst of this emotional upheaval?

During divorce mediation at Peace Talks, you have the advantage of receiving advice and coping skills to handle sensitively charged holiday situations and decisions. If you have not made the decision to use divorce mediation, or you are recently divorced, we have some recommendations for you to get through the holidays with your sanity and feelings intact.

Nothing will ruin the holidays more for you and your children, than fighting over holiday plans with your ex-spouse. As part of divorce mediation at Peace Talks, we devote an entire mediation session to creating your parenting plan. This plan includes a holiday schedule for your children and your family celebrations. By having a plan in advance, you can greatly reduce potential problems.

If you do not have a plan yet, create a holiday schedule NOW. It gives you and your children an opportunity to work together with a calendar and decide how the holidays will be shared. It is also possible to devise a plan that alternates every other year, so that one year your children are with you and your family, for example, on Thanksgiving and the next year, they are with your ex. Also you may want to maintain traditions that your children have enjoyed and associated with particular holidays, while at the same time being open and flexible to starting traditions of your own.

Basically, it all boils down to the fact that the more planning and arranging of these details that can be done before the holidays, the more time, energy, and desire everyone has for the celebrations. Planning holiday schedules effectively reduces family conflict and tension because everyone involved knows what to expect ahead of time.

Along with having a detailed holiday plan, Peace Talks wants to give you some helpful tips to help make your holidays brighter. If your well laid plans did not go off as scheduled, keep the situation in perspective. Especially if you have young children, flexibility is key to your celebration. Crankiness, illness, or high activity can all interfere with your ability to keep your plans on track. It’s best to try to go with the flow.

Another good tip is to keep your sense of humor. In high stress situations, it’s easy to get your buttons pushed by your kids, your relatives or even your ex. Try to make a joke. Laughter has a calming effect. It’s impossible to be yelling while you are laughing and laughter is contagious. Pass the joy of the season around.

It can’t be said enough that a key to a successful holiday celebrations is good communication between everyone. It’s a smart idea to sit down with your children and talk with them. Let them know you that going back and forth for the holidays between two families is tough, and it creates a lot of stress for everyone. Work as a team to anticipate the bumps that will occur and the possible solutions to resolve them.

One other important thing to keep in mind is to not make the holidays negative by badmouthing your ex. Meditate, self-sooth, talk with a friend, but keep the negative sentiments away from your children. It’s a fact that you are no longer the one family you use to be, but this is an opportunity to create new traditions, perhaps healthier ones for yourself and your children. You can make the season bright with good planning, open communications and a sense of humor –bring on the fun and good times. Happy Holidays from Peace Talks divorce mediation services!! If you would like to learn more about divorce mediation give us a call as (310) 301-2100.

Divorce - It Happens! Mindfulness Practice For Going Through Divorce

It's important to find ways to reduce the pain and confusion of divorce (but overeating isn't the healthiest option!) When I provide divorce coaching as a personal life coach, I help you find the best ways for going through divorce, and creating a new life after divorce. With divorce coaching and mindfulness practice, you are better able to manage stress, communicate more effectively, make clear and wise plans for your future, and create a healthy and meaningful new life. Divorce coaching focuses on helping you build self-confidence for making good decisions and taking positive actions for your life.

One of the ways that you might try to ease the pain is through emotional eating. There is the tendency for some people to use food for comfort, which is called emotional eating. Emotional eating can be triggered by the stress of going through divorce, or by the stress of grieving your losses, or worrying about your children. For some people, an email from their ex-spouse can prompt an ice cream binge. The mindfulness practice of mindful eating is very helpful to curb emotional eating. That, combined with other mindfulness practice has the benefit of calming the nervous system.

If you are reading this, perhaps you are going through divorce, or are recently divorced. The divorce journey is usually very stressful to say the least! Just the legal process alone can be overwhelming. But it's the emotional upset and drain that can be the most difficult to manage. There are so many important decisions to make that will impact your family, and it's hard to make them alone. Or you might have the opposite difficulty with too many well-meaning friends sharing different advice.

Another challenge that is sometimes associated with the stress of divorce is a nagging insecurity about appearance. Thoughts like, "Can I attract a new lover?" or "Am I too old to date?", can wear away at your self esteem. This can often become most pronounced when considering beginning a new relationship after divorce. By being mindful of your thoughts, you can choose not to believe everything you think. Thoughts related to negative body image can be noticed and released, while turning your attention back to the present moment, to your breath, or to what is right in front of you. And it helps to remember that body image is just that - an image - as in imaginary. An image is not the real you. Starting over after divorce gives you the opportunity to discover and express your real self - the wonderful, authentic and beautiful you.

As a personal life coach offering divorce coaching, it continues to be my intention, aspiration, and passion to improve the conditions and impacts of divorce for all involved. Thank you for sharing this information with anyone you feel may benefit.

Peace Talks is a collaborative divorce mediation firm that helps spouses file for a divorce in a sane and sensible manner.    Peace Talks provides divorce mediation services in Los Angeles and throughout California.   We have family law attorneys, family therapists and financial consultants who can help you. 

10 things to Know Before You File For Divorce

Here are the some things you’ll want to know before you file for a divorce:

1. Over 95% of all divorce cases settle before they go to trial, so try mediation rather than taking an adversarial position. And if mediation's not for you, there are other options like collaborative divorce and even arbitration.
2. Before you file for divorce, think about your goals for the ultimate outcome of your case. Write down your most important goals.
3. Create your Divorce Mission Statement. Know who you want to be when your divorce is over. You can use the free interactive Divorce Mission Statement on MakingDivorceWork.com
4. Reach out for help. A therapist, lawyer, accountant or fee based financial planner—or all of the above---can be a great support system.
5. Take time to assess and reassess your actions and goals and whether your path is taking you where you want to go. It's easy to get caught up in the stress of court procedures, or to become entrenched in a specific position.
6. Be organized. Use your professional fees wisely. Address your legal questions to your lawyer, and your psychological questions to a counselor or therapist. Be organized. Write your questions down....then write down the professional's answers. Keep a notebook so your papers stay organized and in one place. If you're too overwhelmed to get organized on your own, ask for help from a trusted friend, relative, or even a college student from Craigslist.








7. Do your homework.  Remember, you’re the final decision maker in your settlement. Gather information, speak to level-headed friends and qualified professionals like an accountant, fee-based financial planner, a therapist or a lawyer and use self-reflection to decide what's best for you.
8. Don't jump to conclusions or rush to a decision.You took years getting to this place, so don't expect to solve everything in 2 minutes. A reasonable, solid, working divorce settlement takes time.
9. Keep your perspective: If the amount of money you're fighting about won't matter in 5 years, it probably doesn't matter now, so let go of it. Sure, it's more money than you'd leave for a tip, but will it really change your life?
10. If you choose to represent yourself, get enough information about how to behave in court and what forms you need in order to do it well. Consider hiring a lawyer by the hour to consult with you about special issues and to review your settlement (the technical name for this is Unbundled Legal Services). If you cannot afford a lawyer, the local Legal Aid Society can help.
11. If your goal is "justice" or to "tell the judge my story", keep in mind that no-fault laws and court over-crowding means you'll get very little time or opportunity to testify. And besides, do you really want a stranger to make your decisions for you?
12. Your divorce will not go on forever (and you don't want it to). There is an end. Things will get better. And no matter how hard it is to believe, when one door closes, another door opens. In my own divorce, my former husband mockingly said, "You’re never going to finish that book!" Your Divorce Advisor was published by Simon & Schuster 2 years later. To be honest, if he'd never taunted me like that, he might've been right. I might never have finished. But I did, and we toasted the publication date with our new significant others. You really will move on, even if that's tough to picture at the moment.

Diana Mercer is a Collaborative Divorce Attorney and the founder of Peace Talks Family Mediation Services; they provide you divorce mediation, Parenting Planning, Collaborative Mediation and Child custody mediation Los Angeles, Culver City, Ladera Heights, Beverly Hills and Santa Monica.

Source By: http://goarticles.com/article/10-Things-to-Know-Before-You-File-For-Divorce/7933913/

9 Questions To Keep Your Divorce Lawyer Honest

There is a lot of incentive for litigation attorneys to blow sunshine up your skirt and tell you what you want to hear. In that first consultation at the beginning of your case, we lawyers are, after all, salespeople. We start with an optimistic overview of your case, and it will be awhile before we start to talk to you about any potential downside.

Plus, it's human nature to decide what you want to do, and then amass evidence supporting your position and discount evidence to the contrary. So we're going to help you do that, particularly at the beginning of your case.

Let's face it, nobody wants to hear bad news. But as an informed client, you need to be prepared for whatever might happen so that you can decide how to best handle your case.

If your lawyer is being honest, he or she will answer these questions:

1.    What is my best case scenario in this case?

If the Judge agreed with everything I say, and nothing that my spouse says, what do you predict the outcome to be?

2.    What's my worst case scenario in this case?

If the Judge doesn't agree with anything I say, but agrees with everything my spouse says, what do you predict the outcome to be?

3.    What's an optimistic, but realistic outcome?

Let's say the Judge agrees with a good part of what I have to say, and some of what my spouse has to say, what do you predict the outcome to be?

4.    What's a pessimistic, but realistic outcome?

If the Judge agrees with a good part of what my spouse has to say, and only some of what I have to say, what do you predict the outcome to be?

5.    Will you play devil's advocate?

Pretend for a minute that you are my spouse's attorney. What would you tell my spouse based on what you've heard today? Please do not sugar coat your "advice" to my spouse?

6.    What's the local reality?

I know you can show me copies of the law and legal cases. But based on what you're seeing down at the local courthouse, in the family court mediation and custody evaluation office, with the judges, and typical lawyer to lawyer negotiations, what are the realities of settling cases and trial outcomes? As a practical matter, what really goes on?

7.    Is it worth it to enforce my rights?

Can you quantify the amount of money which is in question? If I enforce all of my rights in this case, as opposed to settling for something less, how will that compare with the legal fees and experts' fees it will cost to get everything I'm entitled to?

8.    What's the range of cost?

If we went to court, what is the range of cost you'd see, given your experience with prior cases similar to mine, both high and low? Are you willing to put that estimate in writing?

9.    Will you put my money where your mouth is?

It sounds to me like you're pretty certain of the result you can get for me in my divorce case. Would you please put that in writing? And if you're not willing to do that, why not?

If this feels confrontational, you can feel free to print this out and hand it to your lawyer. Tell him or her that while you think it's crazy and overkill, your Huffington Post friend said to talk to them about this because it's really important.

Like I said above, there is overwhelming incentive for litigation attorneys to tell you what you want to hear. Read this "Open Letter from Your Divorce Attorney" for a real eye-opener, and the truth about why this happens all too often.

Source By: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-mercer/9-questions-for-honest-di_b_1022923.html