Divorced or Divorcing – How to have Happy Jolly Holidays!!

At Peace Talks, we know that the divorce process is stressful and creates emotional turmoil. And we also know that experiencing the winter holidays for the first time as divorced or divorcing can spike emotions to a whole other level. Especially if you have children, how can you keep the holiday spirit alive in the midst of this emotional upheaval?

During divorce mediation at Peace Talks, you have the advantage of receiving advice and coping skills to handle sensitively charged holiday situations and decisions. If you have not made the decision to use divorce mediation, or you are recently divorced, we have some recommendations for you to get through the holidays with your sanity and feelings intact.

Nothing will ruin the holidays more for you and your children, than fighting over holiday plans with your ex-spouse. As part of divorce mediation at Peace Talks, we devote an entire mediation session to creating your parenting plan. This plan includes a holiday schedule for your children and your family celebrations. By having a plan in advance, you can greatly reduce potential problems.

If you do not have a plan yet, create a holiday schedule NOW. It gives you and your children an opportunity to work together with a calendar and decide how the holidays will be shared. It is also possible to devise a plan that alternates every other year, so that one year your children are with you and your family, for example, on Thanksgiving and the next year, they are with your ex. Also you may want to maintain traditions that your children have enjoyed and associated with particular holidays, while at the same time being open and flexible to starting traditions of your own.

Basically, it all boils down to the fact that the more planning and arranging of these details that can be done before the holidays, the more time, energy, and desire everyone has for the celebrations. Planning holiday schedules effectively reduces family conflict and tension because everyone involved knows what to expect ahead of time.

Along with having a detailed holiday plan, Peace Talks wants to give you some helpful tips to help make your holidays brighter. If your well laid plans did not go off as scheduled, keep the situation in perspective. Especially if you have young children, flexibility is key to your celebration. Crankiness, illness, or high activity can all interfere with your ability to keep your plans on track. It’s best to try to go with the flow.

Another good tip is to keep your sense of humor. In high stress situations, it’s easy to get your buttons pushed by your kids, your relatives or even your ex. Try to make a joke. Laughter has a calming effect. It’s impossible to be yelling while you are laughing and laughter is contagious. Pass the joy of the season around.

It can’t be said enough that a key to a successful holiday celebrations is good communication between everyone. It’s a smart idea to sit down with your children and talk with them. Let them know you that going back and forth for the holidays between two families is tough, and it creates a lot of stress for everyone. Work as a team to anticipate the bumps that will occur and the possible solutions to resolve them.

One other important thing to keep in mind is to not make the holidays negative by badmouthing your ex. Meditate, self-sooth, talk with a friend, but keep the negative sentiments away from your children. It’s a fact that you are no longer the one family you use to be, but this is an opportunity to create new traditions, perhaps healthier ones for yourself and your children. You can make the season bright with good planning, open communications and a sense of humor –bring on the fun and good times. Happy Holidays from Peace Talks divorce mediation services!! If you would like to learn more about divorce mediation give us a call as (310) 301-2100.

Getting A Trust For The Sake of the Kids

If You Have Children, You Should Get a Trust!

For most of us, our children are our most precious “possessions”. At Peace Talks Mediation, we feel the exact same way and we make their well being the focus of our divorce mediation. However, while we may believe that we place our children’s interests as our highest priority, many of us have not taken the necessary steps to protect and provide for them in the event that we come to an untimely demise. Often we procrastinate believing that estate planning is only for the rich or the elderly. Or perhaps, we wishfully think that our extended family will jump in and take care of our children in case we die. At Peace Talks mediation, we encourage you to do the responsible thing: Get a Trust!

Financial planning is an essential part of protecting your children and creating a family trust is an excellent vehicle to accomplish this.A trust, which is a formal legal document, achieves many important things: It manages your money, and distributes it for you upon your death. It puts conditions on how and when your assets are distributed after you die; it can also reduce your estate and gift taxes. It enables your assets to be distributed efficiently without the cost, delay, and publicity of the probate court. It may also insulate your assets from creditors and lawsuits. Additionally, you are able to name a successor trustee who will manage your trust after you die, and is also empowered to do so if you become disabled. At Peace Talks’ divorce mediation, our financial experts can explain this process in detail to you.

This is the key fact: the truth is that all parents of young children, regardless of their net worth, need comprehensive estate planning. The reason is that if you don’t have an estate plan, you forfeit the opportunity to make many important decisions that you are in the best position to make. In Peace Talks’ opinion, this is the primary reason: You are able to choose a guardian for your minor children. If your children lost both you and your spouse in a tragic accident, would you trust a complete stranger to choose a guardian for them? We at Peace Talks mediation don’t believe you would. But that’s exactly what can happen if you don’t take the time to designate a guardian for your minor children. If you die intestate (without a will or trust), without having designated a guardian, you leave that important decision in the hands of a judge who doesn’t know you or your children. Peace Talks believes that would be a big mistake.

Next, you are able to choose the person who will manage the assets that you will leave for you children. With a trust in place, you can have some say in how your children’s money is spent. Setting up a trust for your children allows you to delay when they get control of assets you leave behind, or even stagger the distribution over a number of years. Otherwise, your children could receive their share of assets at 18 years of age, when they might not have the maturity to manage it.

Without a trust, you leave the decision making to a judge who doesn’t know anything about your financial values and will be required to appoint a guardian of your estate to oversee its management. As we urge at Peace Talks divorce mediation, all this can be avoided by proper advance estate planning. Remember these are important issues for your family. Since trusts are flexible, varied and complex with each type having its advantages and disadvantages, you should discuss your desires and goals thoroughly with your estate-planning attorney before setting one up.

Call us at Peace Talks divorce mediation for further information. (310) 301-2100.

What Makes Divorce Expensive?

Let’s just get this out of the way from the start.  There are many ways to get divorced. You can represent yourself – a kind of do it yourself method.  You can choose mediation or a collaborative practice process.  Or finally, you could select litigation.  Obviously (and I hope it’s obvious), litigation is the most expensive way to go.

Numerous factors cause a litigated divorce to be expensive.  Proceeding through the court system usually involves using an attorney who requires a retainer and charges an hourly fee.  There are various court costs such as the filing of a Petition, a Response, and Motions.  If your matter cannot be resolved, then you may choose to have a judge or jury trial, which can exponentially increase your expense. As the case progresses, there may also be a request for a child custody evaluation, in addition to potential adult and/or child therapy sessions.  As discussed below, other expenses may come into play such as an asset evaluation, and the potential use of a variety of specialists including tax, accounting or child experts. 

Another key factor in determining your fees is how your soon-to-be ex-spouse handles your case.  This can escalate your costs, or keep them manageable.  If a scorched-earth tack is taken, your entire community assets may be spent on attorneys’ fees, and leave nothing to divide. Even if the other side’s attitude is not hostile, the attorney may have a disagreeable personality and cause everything to be more difficult to accomplish and therefore, more expensive.  In essence, an attorney can choose a litigation path that exacerbates the fear and heightens conflict in this situation and escalates costs.  Alternatively, an attorney can chose a path, which avoids drama and conflict and make divorce easier, quicker and less expensive.

An additional cost inflator is a divorce that involves complex, unusual, or large amounts of financial assets, which typically require financial experts to value the financial assets and a fair amount of negotiation to reach a settlement over how to divide the assets. Some financial assets are difficult to divide in a divorce due to legal issues with who can hold title to the assets or merely finding ways to divide typically indivisible assets. Not all financial assets are easily sold or make sense to sell at the time of divorce, which can add another wrinkle in the property division. With the sale or transfer of financial assets can come tax implications for one or both parties and therefore including a tax professional is often necessary. (Cha-Ching!)

These issues can hold true not only for passive financial investments, but also for active business interests in which one or both spouses have management and/or ownership interests in a business. The business may not only be a source of assets for the marital estate, but also may be a source of income for one or both spouses. Valuing the assets plus analyzing the revenue stream may require expert valuation. If there are other owners in the business then that can create additional problems in negotiating how to deal with the parties’ ownership in the business as the other owners likely do not want to have the business become subject to the post-divorce involvement of both spouses.

Another cost inflator is fighting over custody issues. When the children become a focus of conflict in the divorce there are a number of expenses that may accrue. One or both parents may ask the court to appoint an attorney ad litem, a guardian ad litem, or an amicus attorney. These third parties provide various roles on behalf of the court or the children to advocate for the interests of the children rather than the parents. They can be helpful, but the parties will be the ones financing the costs of that third party. There may also be expenses involved in home studies, therapists, counselors and other professional services related to the children and their role in the conflict.

However, the ultimate sinkhole for money in a divorce is a Trial.  Between the waiting for courtroom time, witnesses, experts and jurors, and the presentation of the evidence, you have very little control over the cash flow for this endeavor.  Ultimately, the emotional benefit of having your day in court rarely matches the emotional detriment of spending all that time and money.  Many people labor under the impression that by having their day in court, the judge will declare them the better spouse and give them a landslide victory on the property and child issues.  That is generally not what happens.  Judges tend to divide assets 50-50, and do what’s in the best interests of the child using their criteria, not yours.  So ultimately bushels full of money are spent and no one is happier, just financially broke.

There are alternatives to litigation and an expensive divorce: mediation.  There are no dueling lawyers and expensive court battles.  Both parties come together with honesty, transparency and in good faith to reach an agreement, which they can live with and is in the best interests of their children.  In this way, you are saving money, time, stress and energy that could be better spent moving on with your new lives.

At Peace Talks, our goal is to keep your costs at a minimum while at the same time to provide efficient, comprehensive, and emotional support and guidance through this family trauma.  With excellent financial advice, you are able to strategize an agreement, which works best for your family needs and future.  Call Peace Talks, and learn the definition of a “peaceful divorce”, and retain the financial ability to proceed forward with your life.

Peace Talks is a collaborative divorce mediation firm that helps spouses file for a divorce in a sane and sensible manner. Peace Talks provides divorce mediation services in Los Angeles and throughout California. We have family law attorneys, family therapists and financial consultants who can help you file for a divorce in a way that is less expensive than the courts in Los Angeles and California. Visit www.peace-talks.com to learn more about how you can have a peaceful and amicable divorce in Los Angeles.

California Cooling OFF Period

While California may be a “hot” state, we experience “cooling off” periods too. In a family law context, this “cooling off” specifically applies to the amount of time that must pass before a divorce is final. The theory behind this “cooling off” period is to prevent couples from rushing to divorce. In California, the law requires a six (6) month period before a divorce may be finalized. This means from the time that your Petition for Divorce is served until the time the clerk stamps you’re Judgment of Divorce, six months must have occurred. However, in reality in California the process actually takes much longer.

This extended time period could occur due to a number of factors. The first factor is the number of issues that the court is requested to resolve. The more issues there are, the longer the process. For example, if you have a short-term marriage (under ten years), no children and little property, your matter could possibly be resolved within the cooling off period (of course that’s assuming no contested matters). In contrast, if you have two children, one spouse self employed with a business to evaluate, the other spouse a stay at home party, a residence with rental property and a demand for extensive spousal support with contested custody, the case could take months, if not years.

The second factor that may complicate things is the personality of the parties. For example, if you or your spouse refuses to accept the inevitability of the divorce and is determined to do anything and everything to delay the divorce process, this can extend the proceedings well beyond six months.

Another factor to consider is the personality of your attorneys. If one of you retains an attorney who is focused on a global settlement and encourages dialogue, while the other attorney hired prefers to litigate about every single potential issue, the opportunity for a quick resolution may evaporate. Attorneys with different styles could create a contentious atmosphere which breeds motions and retaliation. Even if one of the parties does not want to engage in fighting, he or she must respond to the incoming missiles. This can be exacerbated if you or your partner has a large checkbook and can finance exorbitant legal fees.

The next factor is really out of your hands. This has to deal with the court’s calendar; since the judicial budget has been slashed by the legislature, the number of courtrooms and judicial officers has been dramatically reduced. Under these circumstances, matters can be continued several times due to the court’s limited courtroom availability. The reduction of court staff has also increased the turnaround time of filed documents of Request and Declaration for Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage.

Another critical factor in elevating the amount of time divorces can take is the honesty of you and your spouse. The first step in the divorce process is the filing of Preliminary Declarations of Disclosure. Both of you are legally required to disclose your assets and debts –all of them. If either one of you fails to be transparent in your disclosures or provides incomplete information, this will cause undue delay as well as legal fees if motions and court intervention is needed to determine the total picture of your assets.

As you can see, a six-month cooling off period exists, but in reality, it is rare that a couple is able to complete their divorce process within six months. However another alternative is available to you if you want to resolve your divorce in a sane, sensible and fair way at a reasonable cost – try Mediation. Call us and see what mediation is all about.

Peace Talks is a Family Law Attorney and lawyers are always giving your answer with satisfaction and trust. Ask questions of California Cooling OFF Period for mediator and Divorce mediation.

5 Reasons to Keep Your Divorce Out of Social Media

Today, communication is instantaneous. Like the phrase, “a shot heard around the world”, an online post is sent into the media stratosphere with the potential to surface anywhere, be read by anyone and unfortunately remain forever. You’re getting divorced. You may or may not be happy about this, or perhaps worse case scenario, you had no idea your marriage was in trouble until you saw your spouse’s Facebook page or someone sent you a Snapchat or an Instagram of something you wish you never saw. We can use our imaginations and think of all kinds of compromising positions that could be seen online.

Let’s consider specific reasons to keep YOUR divorce off social media.

First, the divorce process begins. You’re hurt, maybe even devastated. Do you really want to cry your eyes out online? Consider your reputation and your integrity. Do you want potential employers, or your current employer knowing your emotional state of mind and potential thoughts of revenge?

Second, what if you make your case online concerning how you were wronged and disparage your partner’s actions and character. It is highly possible someone who sees this information may not see the situation the same way you do, and an endless back and forth of accusations and counter attacks occurs. And what do you do if you find out that your version of the facts was wrong. Social media is not a giant white board that you can easily erase.

Third, another critical issue to consider is your children and family. Chances are your children are much more social media savvy than you are. Anything that you post online will probably be found and read by them. It may even be re-posted or re-tweeted without your knowing about it. If they find criticisms and attacks of one of their parents, you may be doing irreparable harm to their relationship with you or your partner. It certainly does not make it easy to promote smooth visitations or family holidays. Furthermore, you will have no leg to stand on if you discipline or reprimand your child for his/her social media use.

Fourth, once information is placed on social media, it can be viewed and used by anyone. Consider this before your anger or desire for revenge prompts you to share private business or financial information about your spouse or you online. Unlike the Internal Revenue Service of yesteryear, the I.R.S. is online. They read social media, review court filings, and investigate bank loan applications among other things. When you disclose private information that may not be accurate, or that contradicts a document prepared under penalty of perjury, you run the risk of some very unpleasant results if that material falls into the wrong hands. And you should know that there is a whistleblower’s statute that provides for a third party to receive 30% of the revenue recovered by the I.R.S. based on the disclosed information. So think again when you decide to post your business balance sheets and recognize others may be watching.

Fifth, while it is true, you may be going on social media with your divorce woes to solicit condolences and words of wisdom and encouragement that may not be the reaction you get. If your friends read your posts and grief journal, they may rally around you –at least initially. The chaos and turbulence of a divorce has a tendency to sweep everyone and everything overboard in its wake. The recovery from this trauma can be extensive and you may find your friendships on life support instead of being a lifeboat.

These are only a few reasons why your divorce should stay offline. As you can see, the consequences for failure to heed these warnings can be catastrophic for your finances, your job, your friends and most importantly your children. Think and pause before you go online. We are sure you will be glad you did.

Diana Mercer is a Founder of Peace Talks in the Los Angeles Area and as a Divorce Mediator and President at Peace Talks; it provides Mediation Services, Divorce Mediation, About your Spouse and spousal support attorney. visit Peace Talks Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/PeaceTalks

10 things to Know Before You File For Divorce

Here are the some things you’ll want to know before you file for a divorce:

1. Over 95% of all divorce cases settle before they go to trial, so try mediation rather than taking an adversarial position. And if mediation's not for you, there are other options like collaborative divorce and even arbitration.
2. Before you file for divorce, think about your goals for the ultimate outcome of your case. Write down your most important goals.
3. Create your Divorce Mission Statement. Know who you want to be when your divorce is over. You can use the free interactive Divorce Mission Statement on MakingDivorceWork.com
4. Reach out for help. A therapist, lawyer, accountant or fee based financial planner—or all of the above---can be a great support system.
5. Take time to assess and reassess your actions and goals and whether your path is taking you where you want to go. It's easy to get caught up in the stress of court procedures, or to become entrenched in a specific position.
6. Be organized. Use your professional fees wisely. Address your legal questions to your lawyer, and your psychological questions to a counselor or therapist. Be organized. Write your questions down....then write down the professional's answers. Keep a notebook so your papers stay organized and in one place. If you're too overwhelmed to get organized on your own, ask for help from a trusted friend, relative, or even a college student from Craigslist.








7. Do your homework.  Remember, you’re the final decision maker in your settlement. Gather information, speak to level-headed friends and qualified professionals like an accountant, fee-based financial planner, a therapist or a lawyer and use self-reflection to decide what's best for you.
8. Don't jump to conclusions or rush to a decision.You took years getting to this place, so don't expect to solve everything in 2 minutes. A reasonable, solid, working divorce settlement takes time.
9. Keep your perspective: If the amount of money you're fighting about won't matter in 5 years, it probably doesn't matter now, so let go of it. Sure, it's more money than you'd leave for a tip, but will it really change your life?
10. If you choose to represent yourself, get enough information about how to behave in court and what forms you need in order to do it well. Consider hiring a lawyer by the hour to consult with you about special issues and to review your settlement (the technical name for this is Unbundled Legal Services). If you cannot afford a lawyer, the local Legal Aid Society can help.
11. If your goal is "justice" or to "tell the judge my story", keep in mind that no-fault laws and court over-crowding means you'll get very little time or opportunity to testify. And besides, do you really want a stranger to make your decisions for you?
12. Your divorce will not go on forever (and you don't want it to). There is an end. Things will get better. And no matter how hard it is to believe, when one door closes, another door opens. In my own divorce, my former husband mockingly said, "You’re never going to finish that book!" Your Divorce Advisor was published by Simon & Schuster 2 years later. To be honest, if he'd never taunted me like that, he might've been right. I might never have finished. But I did, and we toasted the publication date with our new significant others. You really will move on, even if that's tough to picture at the moment.

Diana Mercer is a Collaborative Divorce Attorney and the founder of Peace Talks Family Mediation Services; they provide you divorce mediation, Parenting Planning, Collaborative Mediation and Child custody mediation Los Angeles, Culver City, Ladera Heights, Beverly Hills and Santa Monica.

Source By: http://goarticles.com/article/10-Things-to-Know-Before-You-File-For-Divorce/7933913/

9 Questions To Keep Your Divorce Lawyer Honest

There is a lot of incentive for litigation attorneys to blow sunshine up your skirt and tell you what you want to hear. In that first consultation at the beginning of your case, we lawyers are, after all, salespeople. We start with an optimistic overview of your case, and it will be awhile before we start to talk to you about any potential downside.

Plus, it's human nature to decide what you want to do, and then amass evidence supporting your position and discount evidence to the contrary. So we're going to help you do that, particularly at the beginning of your case.

Let's face it, nobody wants to hear bad news. But as an informed client, you need to be prepared for whatever might happen so that you can decide how to best handle your case.

If your lawyer is being honest, he or she will answer these questions:

1.    What is my best case scenario in this case?

If the Judge agreed with everything I say, and nothing that my spouse says, what do you predict the outcome to be?

2.    What's my worst case scenario in this case?

If the Judge doesn't agree with anything I say, but agrees with everything my spouse says, what do you predict the outcome to be?

3.    What's an optimistic, but realistic outcome?

Let's say the Judge agrees with a good part of what I have to say, and some of what my spouse has to say, what do you predict the outcome to be?

4.    What's a pessimistic, but realistic outcome?

If the Judge agrees with a good part of what my spouse has to say, and only some of what I have to say, what do you predict the outcome to be?

5.    Will you play devil's advocate?

Pretend for a minute that you are my spouse's attorney. What would you tell my spouse based on what you've heard today? Please do not sugar coat your "advice" to my spouse?

6.    What's the local reality?

I know you can show me copies of the law and legal cases. But based on what you're seeing down at the local courthouse, in the family court mediation and custody evaluation office, with the judges, and typical lawyer to lawyer negotiations, what are the realities of settling cases and trial outcomes? As a practical matter, what really goes on?

7.    Is it worth it to enforce my rights?

Can you quantify the amount of money which is in question? If I enforce all of my rights in this case, as opposed to settling for something less, how will that compare with the legal fees and experts' fees it will cost to get everything I'm entitled to?

8.    What's the range of cost?

If we went to court, what is the range of cost you'd see, given your experience with prior cases similar to mine, both high and low? Are you willing to put that estimate in writing?

9.    Will you put my money where your mouth is?

It sounds to me like you're pretty certain of the result you can get for me in my divorce case. Would you please put that in writing? And if you're not willing to do that, why not?

If this feels confrontational, you can feel free to print this out and hand it to your lawyer. Tell him or her that while you think it's crazy and overkill, your Huffington Post friend said to talk to them about this because it's really important.

Like I said above, there is overwhelming incentive for litigation attorneys to tell you what you want to hear. Read this "Open Letter from Your Divorce Attorney" for a real eye-opener, and the truth about why this happens all too often.

Source By: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/diana-mercer/9-questions-for-honest-di_b_1022923.html