Today,
communication is instantaneous. Like the phrase, “a shot heard around the
world”, an online post is sent into the media stratosphere with the potential
to surface anywhere, be read by anyone and unfortunately remain forever. You’re
getting divorced. You may or may not be happy about this, or perhaps worse case
scenario, you had no idea your marriage was in trouble until you saw your
spouse’s Facebook page or someone sent you a Snapchat or an Instagram of something
you wish you never saw. We can use our imaginations and think of all kinds of
compromising positions that could be seen online.
Let’s
consider specific reasons to keep YOUR divorce off social media.
First,
the divorce process begins. You’re hurt, maybe even devastated. Do you really
want to cry your eyes out online? Consider your reputation and your integrity.
Do you want potential employers, or your current employer knowing your
emotional state of mind and potential thoughts of revenge?
Second,
what if you make your case online concerning how you were wronged and disparage
your partner’s actions and character. It is highly possible someone who sees
this information may not see the situation the same way you do, and an endless
back and forth of accusations and counter attacks occurs. And what do you do if
you find out that your version of the facts was wrong. Social
media is not a giant white board that you can easily erase.
Third,
another critical issue to consider is your children and family. Chances are
your children are much more social media savvy than you are. Anything that you
post online will probably be found and read by them. It may even be re-posted
or re-tweeted without your knowing about it. If they find criticisms and
attacks of one of their parents, you may be doing irreparable harm to their
relationship with you or your partner. It certainly does not make it easy to
promote smooth visitations or family holidays. Furthermore, you will have no
leg to stand on if you discipline or reprimand your child for his/her social
media use.
Fourth,
once information is placed on social media, it can be viewed and used by
anyone. Consider this before your anger or desire for revenge prompts you to
share private business or financial information about your spouse or you
online. Unlike the Internal Revenue Service of yesteryear, the I.R.S. is
online. They read social media, review court filings, and investigate bank loan
applications among other things. When you disclose private information that may
not be accurate, or that contradicts a document prepared under penalty of
perjury, you run the risk of some very unpleasant results if that material
falls into the wrong hands. And you should know that there is a whistleblower’s
statute that provides for a third party to receive 30% of the revenue recovered
by the I.R.S. based on the disclosed information. So think again when you
decide to post your business balance sheets and recognize others may be
watching.
Fifth,
while it is true, you may be going on social media with your divorce woes to
solicit condolences and words of wisdom and encouragement that may not be the
reaction you get. If your friends read your posts and grief journal, they may
rally around you –at least initially. The chaos and turbulence of a divorce has
a tendency to sweep everyone and everything overboard in its wake. The recovery
from this trauma can be extensive and you may find your friendships on life
support instead of being a lifeboat.
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